Let's talk about the roadtrip.

Four sparklers just fell out of my orange cashmere sweater. I didn't know what to do with them (where to put them so that my mother doesn't see them and assume that I am blowing myself up), so I put them in my Moleskine. I'm not entirely certain this is a good idea but I haven't come up with any disasters that could result in it yet.

I think it's very sad that the only contact I have had from the lovely, hilarious, and circular Luke in the last million months was a REMINDER ABOUT WRITING MY ESSAY. *gag*.

Which is going to be on my Moleskine, as Anna advised. Suck-uppy and lame, but at least it will be genuine. I'm a bad liar even on paper.

AND... I now have a completed (not edited exactly to my taste yet, but at least halfway decent) scene for my story/creativenonfictionthing/whatever. I've actually written a lot more, I just need to put everything in the right order and change some things and add some things. I might possibly almost definitely be able to finish a decent draft by next saturday morning when mail comes along. Or maybe I'm being crazy optimistic. Either way. I think I might be okay. *deep breath*.

Writing this has been really hard. And draining. I had forgotten the sweet nature of creative nonfiction: that is to take your band-aid plastered heart and rip every one of them off(also, to give you a million paper cuts and drop you in a vat of acid). This isn't nearly as bad as it was when I wrote the thing for Tommy at Discovery, but... it's hard. It's depressing. I mean, it's good in a way too. Cathartic. Just difficult.

And I've been procrastinating like crazy. In little ways. Like, I got my iPod out and made a writing playlist. Almost entirely based on writing-type titles of songs. Some with lyrics about writing type things.

Words- Between the Trees
Write This Down- Cartel
We Write The Wrong- The Early November (I don't even like this song. The clip that they played on iTunes was really good and I loved the title so I bought it, only to discover that it is really depressing and nine minutes long).
The Taste of Ink- the Used
The Stenographer- Relient K
Running From Lions- All Time Low (phrases left on paper, blank ink bleeding through the pages where we made our history)
Pretty Handsome Awkward- The Used (specific to writing this, obviously)
Plenty of Paper- Eisley
A Perfect Sonnet- Bright Eyes
Invisible Ink- Aimee Mann (love this song. but nobody wants to hear this tale; the plot is cliched, the jokes are stale)
Hush- Automatic Loveletter ( kind of a stretch- she's breaking up with someone and writing them a letter... but I like it. The lead singer of the band is the one who does the girl part at the end of Remembering Sunday, and that song on Cartel's second CD)
Poetic Tragedy- The Used (there is a lot of the used on this playlist. It occurs to me that the used is very noisy and that I have to turn my iPod way down whenever one of their songs come on and this is not very conductive to writing. Also, I usually listen to quiet/calm-ish music when I write. Lots of coldplay. I never understood how Stephen wrote with the crazy screamo that you could hear out of his headphones on the other end of the gym. But The Used is actually not bothering me. And is feuling my anger. And anger is good).
Lover I Don't Have To Love- Bright Eyes (You write such pretty words, but life's no storybook)
London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines- Panic! At the Disco (okay, a huge stretch, since they're obviously talking about writing songs. But they're talking about writing... and I like Panic!)

....

Yeah, I need to work. I can't believe we have school tomorrow. That is not conducive to my plans at all.

I almost miss it, though, miserably enough.

love you all
Caroline