and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes

So, you may have possibly noticed that it looks a little bit different around here.

BECAUSE I FINALLY GOT A TEMPLATE TO WORK.

Of course, I haven't tried to get a template to work in months, but I have tried now, and therefore life on the blog is at least a little bit more technicolor than before. The main reason for the change?

I need one. I feel like I'm at a standstill. It's like when I am at the beach, standing right by the water, and I sort of dig my toes into the wet sand, and then my feet get swallowed and I'm in to my ankles in sand and I can't move and I start to panic and I yank my feet out. And I trip and fall. This is a really pretentious simile/metaphor/whatever, but that does happen to me and it does feel like this. I am stuck.

And this has a lot to do with the fact that I'm not going anywhere next year, I guess.

Which I am totally being ridiculous about.

I don't want to mope around. I don't want to be sad. I don't want everyone around me to think I'm miserable, because who wants to be around a miserable person? But I don't think it's working. I've been in a bad mood for almost a month. I cried over my stolen coffee thermos yesterday. I am mean to people without trying to be. I'm a grumpy angsty emo kid, and I hate practically everyone around me half the time and I hate myself always.

So obviously, something has to change. I keep wishing that I had the kind of hair you could chop off, or the kind of money to buy a completely different wardrobe. I feel like if I look different, or if my surroundings are different, then I will have to be.

Anyway, that's the explanation for the new appearance. I wanted to paint the walls in my room, but I settled for painting these (in a more literal way than expected...).

I think I'll play around with it until I start to feel a difference.

Love you,
Caroline.

PS: have fun reuniting tomorrow, anna and emilea. i wish i could be there.