is, admittedly, still hurt that she got rejected, and still sad that she won't see everyone next year, and still devestated that she will miss out on Mamie Morgan and Scott Gould and George Singleton, but those feelings are totally totally totally overwhelmed by pure, unadulterated fury that she has to spend the next two years at this school with these people.
feels exhausted, because she hasn't slept soundly in weeks.
is an idiot for thinking that every issue with her life would be magically fixed by now just because it is no longer April.
hates being bored because it gives her too much time to think.
would honestly settle for any boarding school far far far far far away at this point.
thinks it is the most terrible thing in the world to feel the need to keep being friends with someone purely because the miniscule amount of caring you still have for them is enough for you to maintain a relationship with them so that they don't end up pregnant or dead from alchohol poisoning or drunk driving a few months from now.
needs angry angry angry music on her iPod; she just skipped through all 957 songs because they were all too happy.
just needs more music, come to think of it. 957? That's pathetic.
is sorry, Heather, for stealing this format from you. But it is an ideal method of postage; there are so many things that I wish I could scream at everyone but can only bear for you three to hear.
just wants to get as far away from everyone that she knows as possible; wants to move to a city a thousand miles away; wants to give everyone a false name and pretend to be someone she isn't because that must be easier than trying to be who she is.
hates this post. it's so repetivive (and redundant) and repetitive (and redundant).
kind of wishes that she could be hit with some sort of magic honesty spell, because she knows that the consequences for speaking up wouldn't be worth it, but she is so full of sekrits making her sick and tired and sad.
has never had a greater running urge. but of course it is raining; she can't go anywhere.
1 comment:
God. This all just sucks. I hate it. It ruined my good mood from friday and everything that has been going on in my mind in the past week.
I can't even think about it anymore, you know? I would comment with something consoling and inspiring but I haven't reached that point with this at all.
Maybe I'll just keep thinking about all events before Friday night and my life will fix itself? Doubtful, but I prefer everything that happened Tuesday via text infinitely compared to everything Friday night and on.
Just keep thinking about how you get to spend the next two years (or more) with all of us wonderful people like Chloe and Danielle and the drama club and Lauren (because I started to include her with the drama club but she was too special for that) and Cam and Blake and Allison (I sort of had to put her at the end because she's still completely forgiving of Courtney, or from what I can tell). Just think about us, okay?
Love you,
Heather
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