sorry about your dead blog

Ha. Okay, so about a year ago the Microsoft Word program on my computer completely spazzed out and stopped working, so to get to it I have to go through this complicated process where I go to microsoft works and click on 'letter', which takes me to Microsoft Word, only there's this window where you have to set up your letter. Since I'm not actually writing a letter, I usually don't bother with the set up window; I just click next a bunch of times until the little window. But today my computer was being slow(er than usual...) and I discovered the joy of...

SAMPLE LETTERS.
The following, including titles and tips at the end, are completely and totally the work of Microsoft Word. Just wait. Take in the ridiculous. Be entertained.

charge on my bill i didn't make
There's an error on my monthly statement, and I'd like it corrected immediately.I've been charged $130.00 for a meal at Le Petit Jardin in Santa Fe, New Mexico on January 23. That charge is incorrect because:
1) I've never been to Santa Fe.
2) On January 23 I was in the hospital undergoing surgery (attached is a copy of my hospital bill.)
3) My credit card has never left my possession.Please remove this charge from my bill.
* State your reasons for believing that the creditor is in error, and supply proof, if possible.* Request that the charge be removed from your statement.

dear mom & dad, my grades are awful
I wish I could rewind my life like a videotape. Then I could start the last semester over and study harder, receive better grades, and not have to write this letter.Unfortunately, I have to face reality, and that means admitting that my grades were awful. I'm angry with myself for not doing better. I guess I put my social life and campus activities ahead of hitting the books.I'm making a renewed commitment to apply myself next semester. I know I have the potential to earn good grades, and seeing how awful it feels to do poorly, I won't shortchange myself again.
* Don't make excuses. Take responsibility for your bad grades.
* State your commitment to improve.

sorry i burned a hole in your sofa
If you noticed that I skulked out of your house Saturday night, it was because I was so embarrassed I couldn't look you in the eye. I'm the one who burned the hole in your new sofa. I was so mortified, my first reaction was to run. Please allow me to pay for the repair. I'd be happy to make arrangements with an upholsterer I've worked with to have the sofa picked up at your convenience. I'll call in a few days to find out what's best for you.Aside from my blunder, it was one great party! Thanks for inviting me. I hope you'll forgive me for the accident and the unconscionable way I dealt with it.
* Explain what happened, and how you feel about it. Don't trivialize the incident.
* Offer to take care of any expense, and be sure to follow up in good faith

your salesperson was rude
One of your saleswomen offended me, and unless she's reprimanded and retrained, I won't be returning to your store. Her name is Clarice.I was trying on bathing suits (as if that isn't traumatic enough!), and had narrowed my selections down to four. I asked Clarice which two she thought looked best. Her response was, "If you don't lose fifteen pounds, it doesn't matter which one you buy."Obviously, she doesn't work on commission, but that's no excuse for her rudeness and insensitivity. I got dressed immediately and left the store without making a purchase.If you expect to stay in business, you'd better pay more attention to your employees' attitudes. Please let me know how you plan to correct this problem.
* Describe the offendng salesperson's behavior.* State your expectation of a response.

your dog's barking keeps me awake
I'm a nurse who works long and hard hours. A good night's sleep is critical to my performance on the job.For the past week, your dog has made it impossible for me to get any rest. He starts barking just as I'm trying to go to sleep, and he continues non-stop into the early morning.The loss of sleep is starting to affect my work and I can't allow that to happen. Please find a way to keep your dog quiet.
* Explain any special circumstances that might gain the reader's cooperation.
* Be cordial, but make your point.


is it just me, or are these seriously entertaining? I mean, the titles alone...

<3
love
caroline

PS: lack of comments make caroline sad. more to the point, lack of comments make caroline feel like a crazy person talking to her computer. do we really want caroline's mental health to deteriorate any further??