I hate newyearseve parties...

And so the epic fail that was the year 2008 comes to an end.
Almost.

I just reread the post that I wrote on New Years last year, and it made me cry. Because I had actually forgotten what I was so depressed about then. I'm not sure I'm so sad because I remembered or because I forgot.

I still don't like this holiday, but I am actually ready for 2008 to come to a close. And excited for what 2009 may or may not bring. I'm feeling a bit more optimistic than I was a year ago today. My mother is having two of her best friends/one of her best friend's daughters over tonight, so... New Years Party. Fun.

So, while I was looking at my old posts, I found my New Years resolutions, and I re-present them to you now, complete with annotation from Caroline 2008 to Caroline 2007.

In 2008 Caroline will:

1) finish the story. Or get to a point where it's impossible to not finish. Because I have to finish. This has to be the one. I can tell. I can feel it. It has to. Caroline of Today: *smirks* Silly, naive Caroline of yesteryear. Clearly, you don't know yourself at all. Rest assured, you will make plenty of progress. Actually, you'll almost finish, and then you'll get all self-loathing and decide to start over. And then you write one chapter. And then you stop. Last week, you, Chloe, and Danielle had a conversation in which you discussed Noah Breyers as if he were an actual person who had moved away and never been heard from again, mostly to confuse Wally. Resolution failed.

2) put alot of energy into getting into G. School(residential). Get started sooner so I don't have to cram everything in at the last minute. *snort* Caroline of Today:Okay, sure. Which is why you are now doing a pointless, downer, silly blog when you haven't written any of your admissions piece because you're terrified to start, and the application is due in less than two weeks. Yeah. Way to not procrastinate. Wait! But on the plus side, both recomendation letters are done, which didn't happen last year. So. Good job.

4) be the best friend. Caroline of Today: I think I did okay on that front, but feel free to let me know if otherwise.

5) get more world experience. do everything that I have an opportunity to do. Live. caroline of today: Yeah. Right. Okay.

6) exercise *groan* Caroline of Today: Well, we both knew that was never gonna happen.

7) be nicer to Courtney and Danielle. (see 4) CoT: Danielle, in any case.

that's all i have the energy for, at the moment. God. They look so stupid and cheesy up there. And insignificant. Which is exactly why I hate New Years resolutions.

Okay, so that's done. That was a very downer segment, so I will try to say cheerier things for the rest of the post.

JANE AUSTEN MARATHON EXTRAVAGANZA JUBILEE!! WHOOO! I am excited. And I wanted to be all lame and theme-y like so I'm going to make(or, uh, buy) little cakes (or, okay, I'll probably end up with cupcakes, but whatever) and sandwiches and other cutesy olden-timey snacks in addition to the classic popcorn and candy and soda. So, question for Heather: do you like hot tea? Like, just the normal yummy British kind with sugar and stuff? If not we can just have coffee/cocoa/soda/etc, but I wanted to check.

And the news of the day (I hope you don't know this already): ALAN RICKMAN IS GOING TO BE IN THE NEW ALICE IN WONDERLAND! HE IS THE CATAPILLAR!!!! And Helena Bonham Carter is the Red Queen. And Anne Hathaway is the White Queen, who I have never heard of before. But whatever. I really really want to see this movie. Too bad it isn't out until 2010.

Speaking of our favorite victim and prisoner, I watched Love, Actually again while I was in Pennsylvania and must say that Dominic is pyscho, because Alan Rickman and everyone else in that movie is absolutely fantastic. I really really really really really want a guy to come to my house with a series of incredibly romantic signs. But I am not Keira Knightley, nor a fictional character, so I don't suppose that will ever happen.

I don't have much else to say, except for... *sigh* Happy New Year, almost. I love you all.

2009 resolutions may or may not appear tomorrow.

memoirs of an aspiring amnesiac

right so i'm blogging again though i have nothing really to blog about.



i just think that i need to fill up space here. it's too empty. it's too different. i need it to feel natural. i need to be able to look at it without remembering it's purpose. i need...


ack.


i need to forget, is all i need.

i need something to get all of this crap out of my head. or at least push it further backwards. because i don't want it there. i don't want to think about this. and i'm sitting here breaking promises to myself with these stupid stupid words and all i want is to STOP.

or maybe fast-forward a bit.


i was just watching How To Deal, which, for those not aware, is teen romance comedy angst movie at it's very best (if we're not counting John Hughes, at least). it's also loosely sarah dessen (someone like you/that summer) only Macon is not a jerk in the movie.


and i was sitting there and there's this stupid montage that is so incredibly lame and silly and it's like mandy moore and trent ford are running around and eating french fries and climbing on things and driving around and laughing and chasing each other and going to see star wars movie marathons, and for god sakes he is throwing rocks at her window, and all the time they are playing that incredibly cheesy and ridiculous song by Liz Phair, you know, the why can't i breathe, whenever i think about you... song that they play in all of these movies and it's all so dumb and it makes me want to cry because i don't think i'll ever have that.

ack! ack! ack! ack! ack! ack! ackackackackack!

MOVING ON.

---Grace and Jamie just dismantled an entire shelf from their wall (you know, the huge fancy one where they keep their seventeen books and various other, heavier belongings), carried it out of their room, and put it in my closet. Yes. An entire bookshelf, completely full, in my heinously filthy closet. I don't even know how they lifted it. It must have weighed over a hundred pounds. My mom and dad are about ready to kill them. On the upside, they have to do the dishes for me.

---We have a dog for the week and my mother, who is completely dead-set against actually owning a dog, is totally obsessed with it. She dotes on her like, twenty four hours a day. She runs around squealing it's name, singing little songs about it (this isn't weird for her because she does this about me and grace and jamie all the time, but i mean, blondie is a dog). And then today she got pissed at my dad for yelling at the dog after the dog tore up/ate the book that he's reading. The dog is pretty cute but it pretty much ignores me. It's a yellow lab, though, not really the kind of dog that I want. I know they're supposed to be somewhat perfect, but I'd rather have one of those pesky hyper jumpy dogs that aren't tiny-tiny but aren't big either - like a whitie or a yorkie. Or a mutt.

---I HAVE GEORGE SINGLETON BOOK!!!
I haven't read it yet but it looks amazing. It is so pretty and it has a nice cover which signifies that he is not a loser low-budget local author with a crappy cover (not that i am a snob, or anything...). Yeah. These People Are Us. It looks awesome. I love My Sister's Books.

---I don't have to go to sunday school tomorrow... OR EVER AGAIN! YES! That is right! No more incompetent and frustrating teachers! No more stupid preppy kids who I hate! No more watching Marissa and Savannah match! No more arguing with Cam because I have no one else to talk to! NO MORE TOUCHING-SAFETY VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!!! Don't get me wrong. I don't mind going to church. I actually like church most of the time. But sunday school? It sucks. It always sucks.

A Tiny List: Worst Two Moments of Sunday School Ever In The Life of Me.

• Kindergarten. My sixth birthday. We were discussing the sacraments. More specifically, we were discussing marriage. And there was a *cringe* example wedding ceremony. And since it was my birthday, I was granted the massive, joyous privilege of being... the bride. And the groom... luckily, this was at another church up in myrtle beach so I don't know this boy now, but he was gross. he was totally the cootie-having type. and since his birthday was closest out of the boys... ackackackackack. cringe. i hate sunday school. So if we are being technical, my first kiss took place in front of a group of my fellow five-year-old sunday schoolers with some kid who had cooties. yeah. ack.
• Sixth or Seventh grade. Not my birthday. Since we were old and mature, we were not discussing the sacraments... we were discussing the Ten Commandments, more specifically, Thou shalt not commit adultery. And so we're reading this book and the book and the teacher are like 'okay so don't have sex before you're married' and i'm like (in my head), 'good, sure, wasn't planning on it, moving on', and then the book and the teacher are like, 'also, we don't approve of birth control' and i'm like(unfortunately, this time, out loud) 'whoa, wait, WHAT??? BUT WHY??? THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!!'. Yeah. I was kind of the black sheep of seventh grade sunday school for awhile.

Anyway. The reward for ten years of gruesome moments such as those? On October 19, I am officially a Catholic grown-up. And I get all these cool spirit gifts.* And... I GET A PARTY!! That's right. And you are invited! It is a joint party with Ashlee but it's at my house. Come. There will be food, drink, merriment. Also, presents. This party is my only shot at being able to pay for disney world.

--- It's your birthday. :)

I hope it's been amazing. Because YOU are amazing. And no one deserves amazingness as much as you do, especially on their birthdays.

love, love, love to all of you

Caroline

*Okay, I know I must sound very callous and sacreligious and whatnot up here, so just to clarify: I really am excited about the actual confirming part of confirmation. Like, it's kind of a huge deal to me. I just don't know how to convey that without sounding cheesy and lame, so I go with lighthearted amusement. It's a defense mechanism. Anyway. I don't know why I needed this little footnote here. Because I'm ridiculous. But... yeah. it's here. done typing now.