only me when I'm with you.

OH my god, you have no idea how horrible school is without you. (I guess you wouldn't, would you?). It was bad. It was awful. I kept casting depressed glances towards the perpetual empty seats where you would have been and then Danielle kept catching me and thinking I was crazy and then at lunch Chloe said something about how she was sad you weren't there and I went into this whole completely overly dramatic monologue and then Courtney came up and she only had to catch three words to be like, *knowing look* "Oh yeah, Heather isn't here."



So basically the day was dreadful. Not exclusively because you weren't there, but that was a very large factor.



Oh! But the silver lining of your absence? Mr. Noll. Reading your part. And, therefore... SINGING.



I hate writing girly poetry. (such as the absolute crap on Don't Fret. I really need someone to post so that that isn't the only thing I see whenver I go there. Because it is bad. This is not me just being my usual self-deprecating self. That poem is BAAAAAD).Why does that always happen? Why do our brains conspire against us to make us all stupid and lame and cliche and pink?

I didn't notice about the ceasing of distractions, mostly because- I don't know. I knew pretty much nothing about the distraction. I got the story from Courtney. All she told me was "He likes her she might like him it's cute". Was there anything more to it than that? The one time I witnessed anything firsthand, it didn't seem ceased. (I mean, Allison picked up on it within ten minutes, and she knew nothing about the whole thing). I would kind of like to hear about all of this from your perspective, sometime, if you wouldn't mind talking about it. I've been kind of lost and out of the loop.

On Arizona: WOW, that is a wide range of wardrobe (a bathing suit and ski-ing clothes? oh. wait. yeah, i just remembered the existence of indoor pools about three seconds ago. I apologize). Also. I really hope it's great. Or at least good. Or at least as good as it can be. I know this all must be so insane and so hard and I don't think it really seems like you had that much of a choice about going. I hope you get a cell phone and if you do I will definitely be putting minutes on mine so that I can be really annoying (as I imagine I am being now. I'm reading this post and I'm not liking me very much) and text you all the time to make sure you're fine.



To segue from worrying about you to worrying about me



I'm worried about me.

I don't think I'm doing very well in the mental health department.

Particularily in thinking about (and having suckish dreams about) people (ah, person) who I hate and don't want to think about and god forbid dream about ever. I really wish I could obliterate him from the face of the planet but just from my head would be okay too.



Also, got my reccomendation letter (because there was a letter attatched, actually) back. Mrs. Riley is my favorite person in the whole entire universe, by the way. It's so incredibly nice that even if my portfolio sucks and I bomb my interview and my essay never even materializes, they might just let me in anyway because they assumed I was having a really long series of off-days. (or, you know, launch an investigation to make sure I didn't write the thing myself).



Also, I'm going to All State tomorrow. All State Chorus, for Emilea/Anna, in case you haven't stopped reading this post after the first two paragraphs because I made no effort to include you in half (or more?) of the post. Basically I have to sing this song that I keep failing at and then sight read. For judges. I'm so nervous it's not even funny. It makes it so much worse that Mrs. Young didn't want me to go. I'll probably have a break down at some point tomorrow on the bus.



And speaking of, I need to go find my 'sunday best' (ack) outfit for the tryouts.

So



I love you

Caroline