and i'll go to undergo a change of heart, a change of clothes

So, you may have possibly noticed that it looks a little bit different around here.

BECAUSE I FINALLY GOT A TEMPLATE TO WORK.

Of course, I haven't tried to get a template to work in months, but I have tried now, and therefore life on the blog is at least a little bit more technicolor than before. The main reason for the change?

I need one. I feel like I'm at a standstill. It's like when I am at the beach, standing right by the water, and I sort of dig my toes into the wet sand, and then my feet get swallowed and I'm in to my ankles in sand and I can't move and I start to panic and I yank my feet out. And I trip and fall. This is a really pretentious simile/metaphor/whatever, but that does happen to me and it does feel like this. I am stuck.

And this has a lot to do with the fact that I'm not going anywhere next year, I guess.

Which I am totally being ridiculous about.

I don't want to mope around. I don't want to be sad. I don't want everyone around me to think I'm miserable, because who wants to be around a miserable person? But I don't think it's working. I've been in a bad mood for almost a month. I cried over my stolen coffee thermos yesterday. I am mean to people without trying to be. I'm a grumpy angsty emo kid, and I hate practically everyone around me half the time and I hate myself always.

So obviously, something has to change. I keep wishing that I had the kind of hair you could chop off, or the kind of money to buy a completely different wardrobe. I feel like if I look different, or if my surroundings are different, then I will have to be.

Anyway, that's the explanation for the new appearance. I wanted to paint the walls in my room, but I settled for painting these (in a more literal way than expected...).

I think I'll play around with it until I start to feel a difference.

Love you,
Caroline.

PS: have fun reuniting tomorrow, anna and emilea. i wish i could be there.

and it's funny how you find you enjoy your life...

when you're happy to be alive.

As I was last night times 716! I know that having two Relient K lyric-titles in a row might be overkill. But I don't care. I will pick another band to exploit once my post-concert euphoria wears a little.

So! hehe. I get to tell you (emilea, anna, whoever else) this story because Heather is probably still asleeping:

We pull into the House Of Blues (after, you know, danielle's mom gets lost) about an hour and a half early, into the side parking lot (a brilliant suggestion on Heather's part), and, across the almost deserted lot, standing in the middle of a grassy area, in all of his adorable awkward tufty haired beauty... IS MATTHEW THIESSEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we, of course, are freaking out and screaming. So at first when we park we were kind of shell-shocked and didn't really do anything but tell Danielle to turn the music up. and then we screamed, "MATT!!" but the doors were closed and he didn't hear us so then we had gained enough sense of logic to get out of the car and we opened all of the doors and Devestation and Reform was on and we turned it up reallly, really, really loud...
and then, Thiessen LOOKED RIGHT AT US...

AND STARTED AIR-GUITARING THE SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ahaahhahahahahhahahahahahaa
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhahahah!!!!

and the concert was so good. the opening bands were awesome. (the first one, House of Heroes, was from our non-island, which was exciting to hear). And I'm definitely going to be buying some stuff from This Providence. And Ludo, but I had decided that before the concert.

and relient k... they were indescribly awesome. God, it was so fun. I was bursting with pure joy the entire time they were playing. ah.

Also, I bought a Relient K tee shirt that was covered in... exploding pens. I kid you not.

Gaah.
*happiness*

I love you all.
Caroline

cause if I dare open my mouth...

Most amazing CD ever.
Am I exaggerating?
Well, yeah, of course, but in my mind at this moment?
Not even a little.

thank you thank you thank you.

So, I am not writing this from my shiny pink laptop. But my shiny pink laptop is here. It's beautiful. It has fancy Microsoft Word. writewritewritewrite... write.

Which brings me to my next point:
Hey, you wanna write a novel in 30 days?
No? You think that sounds crazy?
Well. That's because it is.
http://nanowrimo.org/
I heard about this from the Scarlett's Eleven people- maybe you did too, actually- and, while it is crazy, it also sounds kind of fun.
And I was thinking - or, actually, this idea just came to be about seven seconds ago, but whatever- maybe we could COLLAB!!! That might be cheating. But so what? I don't know. Anyway. Just thought I'd throw the idea out there. Me and Courtney tried to collab once when we were like twelve but then I ended up writing everything and then Mrs. Crisp stole my notebook, read it, and then wouldn't give it back until she had a conferance with my mother because of 'questionable content'. Meaning, because the parents died. She thought I was a budding serial killer, or something. Wait- do you remember this? I think I actually told you about this when it happened. But that was four years ago. So whatever. Anyway, I didn't want to write that at all anymore so I started writing something else when I was bored in her class. So my first collab (i love hank) was a total failure, but hey,maybe it would be better if we did one. I don't know.

Okay, so yesterday, I was in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, right, and I was sitting in my mom's car while she was shopping, listening to mmhmm and reading A Long Way Down, and then this man drives up in a red convertible at some point. I didn't actually see him at that point. Because I wouldn't have even noticed the man if he wasn't... whistling. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LOUD. So loud that I could hear him even when I turned the CD up to top volume. And he didn't even get out of the car. He just... sat there. For at least three or four songs. And after I looked at him a few times he started staring at me. Still whistling. And then, when my mom came back, whistling man was gone.

I'm actually thinking it might have been my dad, because it kind of looked like him, and they were wearing the same hat, and he whistles a lot, and sometimes he has to drive his client's cars around when they go away for a long time, so that the cars don't get stale or something. But then he didn't say anything about it. I'm also thinking that I'm psycho and hallucinating all of this.

In response to your Don't Fret comment:
You aren't off-base. Not exactly. I mean, that part was... yeah. Yeah, that was about him. *adopts jess's voice* I'm not gonna lie.
But not because I like him- that's not it, if that's what you're asking. I kind of had him in mind in relation to that particular part, but only because-
okay, this is confusing. He's in there because as you may recall I liked him before they left. And when they came back, I thought... I don't know. But I don't. And he's in there because I was kind of expressing frustration in relation to that. If any of this makes any sense to you... which it probably doesn't. Sorry. But, let's go with...
no.
go back!
comment!

Caroline

PS: Okay, maybe I did lie a little. Maybe I do. A bit. But only sometimes.

it will just be to bite my tongue.

sit back, relax...

and enjoy the new blog. I wanted to make it super-prettiful but for some reason Blogger wouldn't let me use any of the Pyzam layouts. I was furious. You'll have to help me with that, please.

I don't have so much to say on this first post, which I really wanted to be shiny and spectacular and lovely. It's not, but I needed to get this first post over with. It's like tearing off a band-aid.

So, I pose a few heather-directed questions:

question a) do you think that natasha or ... anyone you know who isn't a teenager could drive us to relient k? (If, that is, your mom answers you on time). B/C my mom said that I could go but they're apparently having jamie's birthday party that weekend and she won't let me buy the ticket unless we've got a ride. aaaccckkk.

question b) what are you writing on your last samurai essay? b/c I have nothing to say whatsoever. (except, of course, that tom cruise fails at life).

question c) okay, there is no question c, but i said a few, and as us particular people maintain, two is only a couple. So... insert your own question and answer it.

and an Anna related question:

WHERE ARE YOU????

and a world-directed question:

WHY IS NO ONE BLOGGING????

and an emilea-directed apology:

ack I am so sorry that i haven't commented on your essay. i will. i swear. i'm just slow. :/.

and an emilea/heather directed re-comment:
you two are amazing. seriously. like, nothing about this weekend made me cry... except for your comments. i feel like crap, but i remember them and i feel so, so, so lucky.i printed them out so that i'll have them when i forget.


finally, tons and tons and buckets of heather/emilea/anna directed love:

Caroline

sit back, relapse again